Monday, September 8, 2008

Raw Fu Challenge Day 36

I'm obviously just not ready to change from a standard raw food diet to a low fat version. I know the first few days are supposed to be tough. But I find myself sliding down the rabbit hole, obsessing over food. Last night I got up in the middle of the night and binged on Frosted Flakes, potato chips, and Fig Newtons. When I got into an argument with Basil later in the day, I got in the car and was on my way to get a waffle cone of turtle ice cream from Bruester's. On the way to the ice cream shop, I broke down and cried. Hard, long sobbing full of shame and self loathing. This week has been a bitch.

I'm naturally a very reclusive person. I can stay in my own little office bubble for weeks on end, and not notice the seasons change or that I haven't spoken to anyone using my voice besides the dogs and my little family to the point that my throat gets dry and my voice cracks. Branching out in person has never been one of my strong points. Being around people I haven't known for years makes me feel vulnerable and shy. And it takes a lot out of me because I'm terribly out of practice.

Last weekend in Atlanta was wonderful! I met amazing Raw Fu Challengers, and actually hosted a slumber party. And I loved every minute of it, but it was emotionally hard for me. I couldn't fall back on my normal reclusive tendencies. I was being stretched out of my comfort zone. And Raw Spirit Festival is going to be the same way for me. Full of, you know, actual PEOPLE, who are living and breathing and laughing and smiling. The bandwidth gets a lot bigger when you're face to face.

My emotions have been topsy turvy, and all of my food related issues have been raging. I'm just not ready to go here with my diet. Right now, if I stay on 80-10-10, I'm going to fail. And it's not the protocol's fault. It's just that I'm not ready. I've got some baggage to deal with on the cellular emotional level, and I need to be able to put my raw diet on auto-pilot while I'm wading through the mess.

It's not you, Dr. Graham, it's me.



Isle Dance said...

(((((((Bunny))))))) You are not alone. I'm in my little bubble as we speak. Sniff. :o)

rawdiva said...

Hey Bunny! Just checking out your blog (which has been highly recommended). Don't beat yourself! Observe, process, and carry on. You can get past your triggers if you keep at it!

Don't worry about 80/10/10. I could never find any success with that either! I highly recommend checking out the hippocrates diet and really in the end, there is just no need to obsess! If you're doing great on a standard raw diet, isn't that a pretty big improvement as it is? Give yourself some time. 80/10/10 will still be there when you're ready!

You are an amazing success! You've come so far. What kind of self-destructive shame would it be to beat yourself up for being on a standard raw diet!?

That's just crazy talk, girl! You're doing great!